rainy humiliation

anyone catch any of the rain we've been having? oh yeah, you can't escape it. because it's everywhere. and this morning when i watched the news, it said that the rain was here to stay. BOO. normally, rain doesn't bother me that much. i spend most of my day indoors and i have an umbrella AND a car, so really i can't complain. it's not like the rain puts me in a bad mood or anything. and it did break earlier today to allow me to walk to get my lunch without soaking. actually, the sun was out then.

anyway, this morning i did my routine as usual, took the LIRR to the subway and was making my way to work. when suddenly, upon exiting at the spring street station to get to my office, i slipped because the platform was wet. i didn't fall, which may surprise you, but i am wearing sneakers today, so that probaly helped. basically i hydroplaned for a second - and it WHOOSHED back a memory i would rather forget, but will now share with you (because that's what this whole thing is for, no?)

picture it - december, 2004. I was living in an apartment in brooklyn with the lovely tania, working at an online operation located near penn station and generally enjoying my full wallet (i had yet to be "let go"). I run a pretty tight ship and therefore my daily routine and schedule are basically the same everyday. i can say that now, i can say that about myself two years ago (and five years ago, so on and so forth) because i'm ridiculously anal and function best with a full plate and a full schedule. And i would say that the schedule thing is true of most new yorkers - which is how i happened to develop a crush on a fellow subway rider. i changed trains at 14th street to get a local uptown to get to my stop, and that's when i would see him:

same platform everyday.
same train car everyday.
same hotness every. damn. day.

he was typical of the kind of guy i generally go for. and i was definitely excited to see him everyday. we even were developing some sort of rapport. we had moved from "completely ignoring each other," to "ignoring each other but secretly watching every move the other made," to "making eye contact," and then finally to "making eye contact and smiling."

the next step was talking, and after that - making lots of babies (obviously).

that is...until life decided it was time to show this guy what my true colors were/are. just a few days short of me acquiring the gusto needed to intitiate a conversation with this guy, i decided to spend the weekend at my parents house. and instead of coming home after work (so close to penn station), i decided i would pack a bag and leave from work. the bag i packed was heavy. there was laundry in there!

i entered the train that day (friday) knowing that the following monday was the day we were going to talk. i had such confidence while we smiled at each other and made eyes. then the train arrived at the station, the doors opened and i stepped out with that same confidence, and absolutely NONE of the balance. i slipped on the platform due to it being slick with a combination of the salt mixture used to de-ice roads and the dampness in the air. i fell flat on my ass.

and the perfect man (who i named ben in my head) - stopped, helped me up, asked if i was ok and helped me organize my bags into some sort of non-homeless looking way.

the following monday, tuesday and wednesday mornings he was nowhere to be found.

i was let go from that job wednesday.

and i never saw him again.

except in my dreams.